ASSIGNMENT: Make a drawing of your “happy place” where you can feel comfortable and safe.
How could you be safer than sitting in your bathtub making it rain? How about if you were 8 years old and had a vivid idea about how perfect this life would be? Perhaps he has some insight of the future comforts he has coming. I might feel safer if my shower head shot out money for me to rain over myself like the most successful stripper in history. I just hope its not coins.
Check out that perspective.
They always say, “Don’t cry over spilled milk.” Well the yoke broke on the egg. Nobody ever said anything about that. Well played.
I’ve watched Spongebob a few times and this is never anything I’ve seen. Must have been the episode where the residents of Bikini Botton took post-mortem Spongebob Soiled Pants through the town and after a failed crucifixion. Good thing they didn’t take the sillybandz off of spongebob’s leg. Where has the innocence gone?
It is only February right now but there is no reason to hesitate on a gem like this. This is an artists representation of a leprechaun penis. Sadly for all you leporiphiles out there the forward thinking Creator thought ahead to make the rainbow rays shooting forth from the tip ruin all film. The people of Ireland have been calling me at all hours to glimpse it in person for weeks now. I bet nobody would have thought it was scaly. Let me know if you want to schedule an appointment to see it for the small cost of $12,000. You can even sleep on my futon in the basement, it might have cat vomit stains on it though. HAPPY ST PATRICK’S DAY!
For the first time in my internet life wolframalpha.com couldn’t calculate something, the age of a cat in human time down to the minute. As crushed as I was to never know if this the cat equivalent to watching porn underage I slept happy (one night) knowing that we captured the only moment where Susan was not trying to knock down the projection screen. I challenge anyone to find out how old a 4 1/2 month old cat is in human minutes (not years) Please get back to me so I can finally rest. I have been awake for the last 2 months trying to figure this out..
So, after the polls came in I came to one conclusion. The only thing different about me after puberty is my lack of trolls.
One could never count the zany hair styles that come from the top of a trolls head. Just as numerous were the costumes they donned. Matching hair color, outfit, size, and (most importantly) belly gem was an art that has been discounted today. What do children have now? Silly bandz. ha. ha. ha. Unless they made a troll shaped silly band I’m out.
"Hun, what do you think we should watch tonight.."
"As long as it has Kenny Loggin’s music."
In the land of the wild child nothing is as calming as a puzzle. Even the most excitable youth is put into a furious daze over the snapping together of a mystery picture. Well, trouble in River City. The box with the giant state map puzzle was thrown across the room and all the pieces were never located. As a tribute to the memory of this puzzle a picture was drawn recreating it in full detail. The details may be a bit off from how things go in my head, but I rarely go out of Ohio so what do I know. ART!
Winston Churchill was a dumbass windbag, who, apparently only said quotable shit. I don’t care for him.
Objective:Shoving two powdered donuts at once into the mouth
Contestants: Katie, Emily, Andrea, and myself
Location: School, about 4 PM
Prize: Another Donut
Another long day at work was finally over. What could be a better way to relax than cramming two powdered donuts in your gullet at the same time? The answer to that is -nearly anything. This small fact was no deterrent to the revved up contestants gathered around a box of Kroger’s finest. Wearing game faces, it looked like an even match. Before starting I secretly figured that this would be over as fast as one of us could move their hands to their face . Boy was I wrong.
After warm-ups and a brief wish of luck, we were off. Each of us employed a different strategy to tackle these powdery giants. Right off the bat we suffered our first casualty. Andrea’s sly trick of swallowing small bites one after another, sadly, could not keep up. Her throat seized up after a few coatings of the donut dust. Katie made a donut sandwich which she tried to force into her face like a snake eating a raccoon. Panic swept across everyone’s faces as it looked like Katie would walk away with the prize before anyone else had fit a single one in. As a competitive brother I knew there was only one thing I could do to beat this wrangler of white rings. Laughter. As soon a smile broke across my face her hands quickly covered her lips and bits of powdered sugar and cake shot out from between her clammy fingers. Tears began rolling down her face and I hear a whimper which was later translated as, “you cheater.”
Katie could not collect the strewn bits in any hope of winning so she just admitted defeat. At this point I look over and see Emily with 1 and 1/2 donuts fighting to escape from behind her teeth. I started this race with no idea of what I was going to do but I was watching what was working and had to play catch-up fast. I mimic Emily’s style and begin prodding slimy bits of whatever was left into my mouth. It was nearly impossible to tell if or who actually won between the two of us, as our faces and hands were still plastered with remnants and there was no way to fit in more. The most important part was that I made my sister lose, once again. This is the true goal of a younger brother and it has been for all of time. If you have a brother, this is his goal for life. Don’t forget it. If you are a brother, congratulations on your wins throughout life.